The Rules of Succession of The Ohio State University

Ohio State University President E. Gordon Gee's comments regarding beleagured football coach Jim Tressel have drawn attention to Ohio State unique organizational structure.  President Gee's statement occurred at Tuesday's Jim Tressel suspension celebration/reprimand for hiding information and serially lying about having prior information regarding NCAA violations by Ohio State players.  When questioned about whether he had considered firing Tressel over said violations, Gee said "No, are you kidding me?  Let me be very clear. I'm just hoping the coach doesn't dismiss me."  While this was initially viewed as another ill-timed joke by the University President, the head football coach at Ohio State does actually function as the Commander in Chief with the University President serving as his second in command of the University.

This arrangement dates back to the The Presidential Law of Succession of 1947.  This code sets the rules of succession for The Ohio State University (for clarity, current individuals filling the posts have been inserted into the original code):
(a)

          (1) If, by reason of death, resignation, removal from office, inability, or failure to qualify, there is neither Jim Tressel nor E.Gordon Gee to discharge the powers and duties of the office of head coach, then the sousaphone player that dots the I in script Ohio shall act as President.

         (2) The same rule shall apply in the case of the death, resignation, removal from office, or inability of an individual acting as President to defeat the University of Michigan. 

(b) If the "I-dotting sousaphone guy" fails to qualify as Acting Head Football Coach, then Brutus Buckeye shall, upon his resignation as mascot act as President.

(c) If, by reason of death, removal from office, inability or failure to notify one's superiors of obvious NCAA violations due to either subterfuge, absolute ignorance, or a questionable need to maintain confidentiality which doesn't even get requested until the second e-mail and apparently did not prevent Jim Tressel from passing on the e-mail to someone else outside of the Athletic Department or the University Athletic Compliance Office, there is no Jim Tressel, E.Gordon Gee, Sousaphone guy, or Brutus Buckeye, then the individual who is highest on the following list shall take on the powers and duties of the office of Head Coach and run The entire Ohio State University:

•  Athletic Director Gene Smith
• The Drum Major who touchs his funny hat to the ground at the 50 yard line in the pregame
• Chris Spielman   
• But never,ever, ever Kirk Herbstriet because one time he said something objective about the Buckeyes that hurt everyones feelings and they won't let it go

When Tressel was reached for comment, he stated that "President Gee's job is safe for the time being.  But he needs to be more attentive in the future so that I cannot get away with this sort of thing again."