Thursday, December 16, 2010

Vick's Request for Dog Ownership Leads to Unexpected Legal Action

AP Philadelphia- Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback Michael Vick who spent over two years in federal prison on dog fighting charges expressed his wish to own a dog again in an interview wednesday.  In the interview with NBC News, Vick stated that "I would love to get another dog in the future. I think it would be a big step for me in the rehabilitation process."
           As a condition of Vick's supervised release he is not to engage in the purchase, possession, or sale of dogs.  Vick's statements today drew further attention to the court documents associated with his release and brought to light many details not previously released to the public.
 
Other conditions included in his supervised release
-prohibition from owning any pets both living or robotic up to and including Sea Monkeys, Teddy Ruxpins, and Hex Bugs

-acknowledgement of the sovereignty of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell over all American citizens living in cities with an NFL franchise under an extension of the NFL's personal conduct policy

-requirement that all subsequent dual threat quarterbacks complete a minimum of 18 months in a federal prison prior to becoming eligible for the NFL draft

-a clause that requires all TV announcers who use the phrase "Beamer Ball" when broadcasting games by Vick's alma mater, Virgina Tech, to donate $1000 dollars per utterance to the Humane Society Dogfighting Diversionary Initiative.  $10,000 if Virginia Tech allows a blocked punt, blocked field goal, or kickoff return for a touchdown in said game (this has raised $153,000 already this year)
     
Federal authorities who became aware of this information today informed Vick that he has 48 hours to surrender his daughter's zhu zhu pets to the proper authorities to avert reincarceration for violation of parole.

At press time, Mr. Squiggles and Num Nums could not be reached for comment.

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