Cleveland Cavaliers Snap 26 Game Losing Streak, Secure Playoff Spot

CLEVELAND, OH - The Cleveland Cavaliers snapped their 26 game losing streak with a 126-119 victory over Blake Griffin and the Los Angeles Clippers tonight.  More importantly with their 9th victory of the season, the Cavs secured at least the 15th seed in the Eastern Conference Playoffs.

"They said it couldn't be done without LeBron. They said 'Jamario Moon can't lead a team to the playoffs.  Now they know better.'"  Cavs forward Jamario Moon said.

"Well, actually, they didn't quite say that. They have no clue who I am. And I don't even know who they are, because no one comes to these games anymore," Moon added.

Cleveland's locker room celebrated the event with warm bottles of Miller High Life that were leftover from the ill-advised "LeBron Is Back" party guard Mo Williams hosted on the evening LeBron James took his talent to South Beach and signed with the Miami Heat.  Not all participants were enthusiastic at achieving the playoffs, however.

  "There's no two ways around it, we've made it as hard for ourselves as we can," Coach Byron Scott said, "we're going to have to play the entire Eastern Conference playoffs on the road.  I'm pretty sure the first round games are going to be in Outer Mongolia to try to increase our footprint in Asia. But just think about the real sports where not every team makes the playoffs. If we were in one of those, we'd be screwed."

"Our chances aren't good, but we're not giving up. This season is about more than 82 games that have virtually no importance on the outcome of the season. Hey, when LeBron was here, we used to win those games all the time. They didn't mean a thing. We're just starting to hit our stride," guard Daniel Gibson said.

The Cavaliers received additional bad news on Wednesday when the already injury-ravaged team learned that, during his rehab from a season-ending ankle injury, forward Anderson Varejao was diagnosed with acute hair cancer.

Author:TSK

Bill Belichick Summoned to Roger Goodell's Office to Explain Academy Award Nominations

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has reportedly requested a face-to-face meeting with Bill Belichick after his film NYJ Walkthrough 12/3/10 received 3 nominations for Academy Awards last week.  

"NYJ Walkthrough 12/3/10", a 98 minute film of a final walkthrough of a game plan by New York Jets players and staff, which received nominations for Best Picture, Best Cinematography and Best Supporting Actor, has garnered near-universal acclaim in the cinematic community as a visceral portrayal of futility and despair.  The film, which was shot from the stands at the Jets' practice facility, was rumored to be intended for Belichick's personal game preparation, but has instead become a dark horse to triumph in the Best Picture category over films like The Black Swan and The King's Speech.

Belichick has denied comment on the film, stating only "I have not seen the film, I had no role in its making, and I was operating under the belief that the NFL permitted the conduct that the Academy suggest I played some role in. I would decline any Academy Awards that were given to me."

Heralded cinematographer and fellow nominee Roger Deakins (True Grit) rejected Belichick's response as false modesty.

"I've seen few videos that so captured the grace of Right Red 42 and the weaknesses in D'Brickashaw Ferguson's ability to pick up a right end stunt. It was moving. The gravitas of it all was so much that it looked like the Jets could barely even get the ball moving. It was as if Belichick's film just had a paralyzing effect on them, like the Patriots saw everything coming and the Jets saw the futility of the game," Deakins said.
Chicago Sun-Times film critic Richard Roeper was among the critics who lauded Walkthrough's single-hidden-camera framing. 

"The single-camera shot is relentless.  It takes the intensity of Hitchcock's Rope and says 'listen, if you're going to have nothing but 8 minute shots, we're going to have a single shot that bears down on the same spot on the field for 98 minutes.'  And the eerily silent soundtrack really harkens back to Von Stroheim," Roeper said.

LaDainian Tomlinson was alarmed to hear of his nomination as Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of an aging, broken-down running back refusing to concede the inevitable.

"I'd like to thank the Academy, but that's a bunch of shit," Tomlinson said. "I'm as fast as I ever was."

Uncredited executive producer Rex Ryan claimed full credit for releasing the films to theaters in New York and LA against Belichick's wishes.

Ryan said, "I knew this could really appeal to the [expletive deleted] public. I mean, millions of [expletive deleted] people watched the  [expletive deleted] Pro [expletive deleted] Bowl. Football sells."

Former Browns and Jets Coach Eric Mangini agreed that the film was worthy of Roger Goodell's attention, but believed the meeting would do nothing to allay Belichick's cinematic career.

"Of course [Goodell]'s calling Belichick in, he probably wants to congratulate him. I mean, this is Roger Goodell, and it's not like Belichick tackled someone like James Harrison. He'll be fine," Mangini said.

Author: TSK