Monday, November 28, 2011
Urban Meyer Retires From Ohio State, Plans To Focus On Family
AP Columbus, OH- Newly hired head football coach Urban Meyer has announced his retirement from coaching today. Meyer who accepted the job at a 5:15 EST press conference announced his subsequent retirement at 7:38 EST. "The press conference (announcing his hiring) today just reminded me of all of the time that I will be away from my family. My esophagus started spasming and my mitral valve began prolapsing just thinking about it. This latest foray into coaching has really given me perspective on what is really important in life." Meyer went on to explain that he is planning to take his family to an Old Country Buffet for a family meal to discuss his options going forward. "I can't rule out a return to coaching sometime after dessert but it really is too early to say." During his 2 hour long tenure as Ohio State head coach, three Buckeye football players were arrested. Ohio State Athletic Director Gene Smith is expected to name an audio-animatronic version of Woody Hayes as head coach.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Jim Tressel leaving day job to focus on his book signing tour
- I love that I was woke up by a text message about this on Memorial Day. Did the public relations department at Ohio State think that this wasn't going to be a huge story because they dropped it on a federal holiday. One should note that they previously had increased Tressel's suspension from 2 to 5 games on St. Patrick's Day/first day of the NCAA basketball tournament to try to minimize the impact.
- What would tattoo parlor owner Ed Rife pay for a signed copy of Jim Tressel's book "Life Promises for Success:Promises from God on Achieving Your Best" today?
- First job offer for Tressel: Las Vegas sports memorabilia store, Field of Dreams, has hosted weekly events with Pete Rose over the past 7 years where he autographs baseballs with the inscription, I'm Sorry I bet on baseball. Rose left in February to pursue other options. Tressel could slide right in and sign footballs with a similar inscription.
- I hate to see someone lose their job, but there is a certain sense of validation when something your parents taught you from when you are 5 years old holds true in the real world. If you do something wrong and then lie about it, it is significantly worse than just doing something wrong. And if you fail to apologize for clearly doing something wrong despite the fact that you were supposed to apologize at a press conference for that purpose and then don't apologize for another 11 days it is even worse. I think it went something like that.
- Were the nuns from the Little Sisters of the Poor a part of the group of advisors to OSU president E. Gordon Gee that "allowed his resignation"?http://mtksportsnet.blogspot.com/2011/03/rules-of-succession-of-ohio-state.html
- The Urban Meyer talk will now reach a fever pitch as he reportedly bought Kirk Herbstreit's house, burnt it to the ground, and rebuilt it with a Tim Tebow statue out front or something like that. I may be getting a few stories confused.
- Jim Tressel's firing (Let's call it what it is) is a big loss to the Ohio State University Medical Center as he has been a great fundraiser. That loss in revenue could be offset by Urban Meyer's weekly trips to the Ross Heart Hospital with his mitral valve prolapse/esophageal spasm exacerbations.
- As an Ohio State fan, are you still happy that Terrell Pryor chose Ohio State over Penn State? The program will continue to be successful, but there is a "mystique" that Ohio State will not recover. Two words- Lawrence Phillips- this stuff doesn't go away.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
NFL Draft 2011: First Round Irreverent Analysis
I love draft day. The reason you ask: It means that I won't have to listen to Mel Kiper and Todd McShay's ramble about their ever shifting draft boards which seem to vary by the direction that the wind is blowing and/or the relative fiber content of their previous day's meals until 2012.
First observation, does the NFL only allow fans with a body mass index greater than 35 into Radio City Music Hall? If they don't start the first round earlier in the future they are going to have to outfit the seats with CPAP machines.
On to the picks:
1. Carolina Panthers-Cam Newton- Auburn There are years that you want to pick first. Unfortunately for the Charlotte Kittens, this was not the year. Newton owes a debt of gratitude to Mike Vick's outstanding season for taking away the stigma of drafting an "athletic" QB (ie the Jamarcus effect) with the first selection. Cam Newton is the ultimate coin flip and perfectly emblematic of the imperfect science of drafting a QB and frankly if he is the best QB in this class I'm not buying ESPN's assertion that 2011 is the Year of the Quarterback. Cam Newton's father, Cecil, has reportedly requested $150,000 for Newton to play in Carolina next year. This makes him a steal relative to last year's number 1 pick Sam Bradford who signed for approximately $50 million guaranteed. Cam Newton reportedly knows nothing about this deal.
2. Denver Broncos- Von Miller- Texas A&M- Not a big surprise. Broncos needed an upgrade in their pass rush. Of note, Miller is the first LB selected in the first two picks of the draft since Lavar Arrington in 2000. I like to think that the pick occurred only after Pat Bowlen and Vice President of Football Operations John Elway realized that NFL draft rules did not allow for a filibuster that would prevent the 2011 season from occurring. Prior to OTAs, Denver is planning to have him report to a knife training course to minimize his risk of getting stabbed as this has become quite prevalent amongst current and former Broncos of late. The nice thing for Broncos fans is they have finally made a first round selection that may actually improve the team.
3. Buffalo Bills- Marcell Dareus- Alabama
4. Cincinnati Bengals- A.J. Green- Georgia- A nice addition to the Bengals offense although it raises the question of who is going to throw the ball to him. I've heard that Carson Palmer's nephew may be the starting QB next year. It definitely seems like inspired casting to bring the OG amateur jersey salesman to the state of Ohio. Perhaps Jim Tressel could serve as his personal mentor.
5. Arizona Cardinals- Patrick Peterson- LSU- The war room in Glendale gets a gold star for taking him instead of stretching for a QB. This pick could serve them well for a decade- ala Champ Bailey.
6. Atlanta Falcons- Julio Jones- Alabama- An expensive pick (Atlanta gives up a 1st, 2nd and 4th rounder this year and a 1st and 4th next year) but the Falcons move up 21 spots to snag one of the few offensive impact players in the draft. You could argue that 5 early round draft picks would be a lot to give up for Jerry Rice in his prime let alone an unproven college player. However, it should be exciting to watch Matt Ryan throwing the ball to Roddy White, Jones, and Tony Gonzalez (if he doesn't retire) but Atlanta may have to win some games by scoring 50+ points this year
7. San Francisco 49ers- Aldon Smith- Missouri- I can't say much about his game as I don't think he was 100% healthy against Nebraska (a game in which the Huskers dominated the edge in the 1st quarter). I do tip my hat to offensive-minded Jim Harbaugh for selecting a defensive player with his first pick. Apparently somebody learned something from Josh McDaniels Broncos draft strategy or Harbaugh's planning on tanking the year to get Andrew Luck in 2012.
8. Tennessee Titans- Jake Locker- Washington- Really..a The last time I checked Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis was not making selections for the Titans, although it sure looks like it with this pick. Seriously, is a players's performance in games less important than the combine and workouts. If I was a general manager, I wouldn't care if his 40 time was 4.1 seconds (it was 4.59 which was good for the 3rd fastest QB time) or how he throws in workouts. The only information that you need to know about Jake Locker are his completion percentages against the Nebraska Blackshirt defense in their two 2010 matchups (16.6 and 31.25% respectively). Editor's note: the Nebraska Cornhusker defense is not an NFL defense. Winning QBs in the NFL have pinpoint accurancy (ie Aaron Rogers, Drew Brees), Jake Locker does not.
9. Dallas Cowboys- Tyron Smith- USC
10. Jacksonville Jaguars- Blaine Gabbert- Missouri- Good opportunity for Gabbert. As a 10th selection, he will not be expected to make an immediate impact. This is good as he has spent a large percentage of his college career in the shotgun and will require some adaptation to play under center. So what's the knock on Gabbert: I don't know if he is a winner by nature. On his biggest stages, he was responsible for major 4th quarter implosions against Nebraska in 2009 (Ndamakung Suh's introduction to the world) and in the Insight Bowl against Iowa this year. I still think this is a good pick here. Could this be the first attempt for the Jaguars to trade for Tim Tebow to save their franchise?
11. Houston Texans- J.J. Watt- Wisconsin
12. Minnesota Vikings- Christian Ponder- Florida State- Too many jokes... Maybe it's not too late to see if Brett "the king of the camera phone" Favre will come back for one more year. Joe Webb breathes a sign of relief. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the Los Angeles Vikings. Somewhere Chris Weinke is shaking his head.
13. Detroit Lions- Nick Fairley- Auburn- The Husker fan in me really wanted to see Prince Amukamura being reunited with Ndamakung Suh with this selection. This might be my favorite pick of the first round. After his dominant performance in the BCS championship game, Fairley's name was floated as high as the number two pick as recently as February or March. Many experts compared his performance in that game with the performance of Nebraska's Ndamakung Suh in the 2009 Big 12 Championship Game. His draft status fell due to concerns about his work ethic. However, by pairing him with Suh and his infectious energy, the Lions may have picked up the piece that will give them the most dominant interior line in the NFL in the near future. Prediction: If Matt Stafford can stay healthy, the Lions will be in the playoffs in 2011 or 2012.
14. St. Louis Rams- Robert Quinn- North Carolina- Missed this year after lying to NCAA investigators about accepting almost $6000 in benefits. This point raises two questions: 1)How do good football players end up playing for the Tar Heels and 2)why isn't Jim Tressel teaching his players to hold out for the big money like Robert Quinn was getting and not just settling for discount tattoos?
15. Miami Dolphins- Mike Poucey- Florida- Miami got confused and thought that they were drafting current Pittsburgh Steeler Markice Pouncey. Ultimately, the Fish are glad that they didn't accidentally take Ted Ginn Jr again.
16. Washington Redskins- Ryan Kerrigan- Purdue- Having recovered from a tire iron attack planned by Tonya Harding, Kerrigan is poised to play OLB for the Landover Native Americans. The good news for Daniel Snyder and Mike Shanahan is that they couldn't possibly screw this pick up as they have needs at every single position on the football field.
17. New England Patriots- Nate Solder-Colorado- Notable for the fact that this was the first New England 1st round pick not involved in a trade since 2007. Solder is a converted tight end who is still adapting to the offensive line. Huge upside. Nice pick.
18. San Diego Chargers- Cory Liuget- Illinois- Never underestimate what the Chargers "strength and conditioning program" (translation: steroids) can do for this defensive lineman. Why is it that everyone blames Shawn Merriman's professional downfall on his knee injury and not because he got busted for steroids? Sammy Sosa and I will never understand that.
19. New York Giants- Prince Amukamura- Nebraska- Projected to go as high as the sixth or seventh pick, this pick was a steal for the Giants. Prince's freefall to 19 may have been multifactorial: Justin Blackmon accumulated over 140 yds receiving day against Amukamura in 2010 and he allowed a total of 18 completions (in contrast to highly ranked Colorado CB Jimmy Smith who allowed only 11 in man coverage this year). Keep in mind that Amukamura's compatriot at CB Alfonso Dennard is also a lockdown CB (2nd team all-Big 12) and as a result Amukamura faced a larger number of targets than he might have faced had he played for a lesser team like the Buffaloes. This ultimately pushed him further down the draft board than initially anticipated.
22. Indianapolis Colts- Anthony Castonzo- Boston College- Apparently the Colts have finally seen Sandra Bullock's the Blind Side and decided that protecting the quarterback is kind of a big deal.
27. Baltimore Raves- Jimmy Smith- Colorado- A million dollar talent with a 10 cent head. He could be the missing piece that fills in a significant hole in an aging Ravens defense that is running out of time to make another run at the Super Bowl (see the 2011 San Antonio Spurs) or he could end up as an extra on the feature length film version of "The Wire." Only allowed 11 completions on 20 targets in man coverage. However, he has been targeted by Boulder Police just as frequently and has multiple failed drug tests and an alcohol charge to show for it. Question: how did the Bengals pass on this guy? He is Cincinnati's kind of guy.
28. New Orleans Saints- Mark Ingram- Alabama- Just curious, am I supposed to get all teary eyed because his dad is a criminal and got busted for money laundering and bank fraud and as a result is in jail and couldn't be there when his son won the Heisman, won the National Title game, or was selected in the NFL draft? OK good, because I didn't.
Did things get better or worse for your team? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
First observation, does the NFL only allow fans with a body mass index greater than 35 into Radio City Music Hall? If they don't start the first round earlier in the future they are going to have to outfit the seats with CPAP machines.
On to the picks:
1. Carolina Panthers-Cam Newton- Auburn There are years that you want to pick first. Unfortunately for the Charlotte Kittens, this was not the year. Newton owes a debt of gratitude to Mike Vick's outstanding season for taking away the stigma of drafting an "athletic" QB (ie the Jamarcus effect) with the first selection. Cam Newton is the ultimate coin flip and perfectly emblematic of the imperfect science of drafting a QB and frankly if he is the best QB in this class I'm not buying ESPN's assertion that 2011 is the Year of the Quarterback. Cam Newton's father, Cecil, has reportedly requested $150,000 for Newton to play in Carolina next year. This makes him a steal relative to last year's number 1 pick Sam Bradford who signed for approximately $50 million guaranteed. Cam Newton reportedly knows nothing about this deal.
2. Denver Broncos- Von Miller- Texas A&M- Not a big surprise. Broncos needed an upgrade in their pass rush. Of note, Miller is the first LB selected in the first two picks of the draft since Lavar Arrington in 2000. I like to think that the pick occurred only after Pat Bowlen and Vice President of Football Operations John Elway realized that NFL draft rules did not allow for a filibuster that would prevent the 2011 season from occurring. Prior to OTAs, Denver is planning to have him report to a knife training course to minimize his risk of getting stabbed as this has become quite prevalent amongst current and former Broncos of late. The nice thing for Broncos fans is they have finally made a first round selection that may actually improve the team.
3. Buffalo Bills- Marcell Dareus- Alabama
4. Cincinnati Bengals- A.J. Green- Georgia- A nice addition to the Bengals offense although it raises the question of who is going to throw the ball to him. I've heard that Carson Palmer's nephew may be the starting QB next year. It definitely seems like inspired casting to bring the OG amateur jersey salesman to the state of Ohio. Perhaps Jim Tressel could serve as his personal mentor.
5. Arizona Cardinals- Patrick Peterson- LSU- The war room in Glendale gets a gold star for taking him instead of stretching for a QB. This pick could serve them well for a decade- ala Champ Bailey.
6. Atlanta Falcons- Julio Jones- Alabama- An expensive pick (Atlanta gives up a 1st, 2nd and 4th rounder this year and a 1st and 4th next year) but the Falcons move up 21 spots to snag one of the few offensive impact players in the draft. You could argue that 5 early round draft picks would be a lot to give up for Jerry Rice in his prime let alone an unproven college player. However, it should be exciting to watch Matt Ryan throwing the ball to Roddy White, Jones, and Tony Gonzalez (if he doesn't retire) but Atlanta may have to win some games by scoring 50+ points this year
7. San Francisco 49ers- Aldon Smith- Missouri- I can't say much about his game as I don't think he was 100% healthy against Nebraska (a game in which the Huskers dominated the edge in the 1st quarter). I do tip my hat to offensive-minded Jim Harbaugh for selecting a defensive player with his first pick. Apparently somebody learned something from Josh McDaniels Broncos draft strategy or Harbaugh's planning on tanking the year to get Andrew Luck in 2012.
8. Tennessee Titans- Jake Locker- Washington- Really..a The last time I checked Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis was not making selections for the Titans, although it sure looks like it with this pick. Seriously, is a players's performance in games less important than the combine and workouts. If I was a general manager, I wouldn't care if his 40 time was 4.1 seconds (it was 4.59 which was good for the 3rd fastest QB time) or how he throws in workouts. The only information that you need to know about Jake Locker are his completion percentages against the Nebraska Blackshirt defense in their two 2010 matchups (16.6 and 31.25% respectively). Editor's note: the Nebraska Cornhusker defense is not an NFL defense. Winning QBs in the NFL have pinpoint accurancy (ie Aaron Rogers, Drew Brees), Jake Locker does not.
9. Dallas Cowboys- Tyron Smith- USC
10. Jacksonville Jaguars- Blaine Gabbert- Missouri- Good opportunity for Gabbert. As a 10th selection, he will not be expected to make an immediate impact. This is good as he has spent a large percentage of his college career in the shotgun and will require some adaptation to play under center. So what's the knock on Gabbert: I don't know if he is a winner by nature. On his biggest stages, he was responsible for major 4th quarter implosions against Nebraska in 2009 (Ndamakung Suh's introduction to the world) and in the Insight Bowl against Iowa this year. I still think this is a good pick here. Could this be the first attempt for the Jaguars to trade for Tim Tebow to save their franchise?
11. Houston Texans- J.J. Watt- Wisconsin
12. Minnesota Vikings- Christian Ponder- Florida State- Too many jokes... Maybe it's not too late to see if Brett "the king of the camera phone" Favre will come back for one more year. Joe Webb breathes a sign of relief. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the Los Angeles Vikings. Somewhere Chris Weinke is shaking his head.
13. Detroit Lions- Nick Fairley- Auburn- The Husker fan in me really wanted to see Prince Amukamura being reunited with Ndamakung Suh with this selection. This might be my favorite pick of the first round. After his dominant performance in the BCS championship game, Fairley's name was floated as high as the number two pick as recently as February or March. Many experts compared his performance in that game with the performance of Nebraska's Ndamakung Suh in the 2009 Big 12 Championship Game. His draft status fell due to concerns about his work ethic. However, by pairing him with Suh and his infectious energy, the Lions may have picked up the piece that will give them the most dominant interior line in the NFL in the near future. Prediction: If Matt Stafford can stay healthy, the Lions will be in the playoffs in 2011 or 2012.
14. St. Louis Rams- Robert Quinn- North Carolina- Missed this year after lying to NCAA investigators about accepting almost $6000 in benefits. This point raises two questions: 1)How do good football players end up playing for the Tar Heels and 2)why isn't Jim Tressel teaching his players to hold out for the big money like Robert Quinn was getting and not just settling for discount tattoos?
15. Miami Dolphins- Mike Poucey- Florida- Miami got confused and thought that they were drafting current Pittsburgh Steeler Markice Pouncey. Ultimately, the Fish are glad that they didn't accidentally take Ted Ginn Jr again.
16. Washington Redskins- Ryan Kerrigan- Purdue- Having recovered from a tire iron attack planned by Tonya Harding, Kerrigan is poised to play OLB for the Landover Native Americans. The good news for Daniel Snyder and Mike Shanahan is that they couldn't possibly screw this pick up as they have needs at every single position on the football field.
17. New England Patriots- Nate Solder-Colorado- Notable for the fact that this was the first New England 1st round pick not involved in a trade since 2007. Solder is a converted tight end who is still adapting to the offensive line. Huge upside. Nice pick.
18. San Diego Chargers- Cory Liuget- Illinois- Never underestimate what the Chargers "strength and conditioning program" (translation: steroids) can do for this defensive lineman. Why is it that everyone blames Shawn Merriman's professional downfall on his knee injury and not because he got busted for steroids? Sammy Sosa and I will never understand that.
19. New York Giants- Prince Amukamura- Nebraska- Projected to go as high as the sixth or seventh pick, this pick was a steal for the Giants. Prince's freefall to 19 may have been multifactorial: Justin Blackmon accumulated over 140 yds receiving day against Amukamura in 2010 and he allowed a total of 18 completions (in contrast to highly ranked Colorado CB Jimmy Smith who allowed only 11 in man coverage this year). Keep in mind that Amukamura's compatriot at CB Alfonso Dennard is also a lockdown CB (2nd team all-Big 12) and as a result Amukamura faced a larger number of targets than he might have faced had he played for a lesser team like the Buffaloes. This ultimately pushed him further down the draft board than initially anticipated.
22. Indianapolis Colts- Anthony Castonzo- Boston College- Apparently the Colts have finally seen Sandra Bullock's the Blind Side and decided that protecting the quarterback is kind of a big deal.
27. Baltimore Raves- Jimmy Smith- Colorado- A million dollar talent with a 10 cent head. He could be the missing piece that fills in a significant hole in an aging Ravens defense that is running out of time to make another run at the Super Bowl (see the 2011 San Antonio Spurs) or he could end up as an extra on the feature length film version of "The Wire." Only allowed 11 completions on 20 targets in man coverage. However, he has been targeted by Boulder Police just as frequently and has multiple failed drug tests and an alcohol charge to show for it. Question: how did the Bengals pass on this guy? He is Cincinnati's kind of guy.
28. New Orleans Saints- Mark Ingram- Alabama- Just curious, am I supposed to get all teary eyed because his dad is a criminal and got busted for money laundering and bank fraud and as a result is in jail and couldn't be there when his son won the Heisman, won the National Title game, or was selected in the NFL draft? OK good, because I didn't.
Did things get better or worse for your team? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Frustrated Bracketologists Seek BCS-Like Solution for NCAA Basketball Championship
Obama's committee includes basketball experts ESPN analyst Jay Bilas and Northern Arizona coach Mike Adras. To date little progress has been made in reaching a consensus in the group as to what system would reach the most satisfactory match-up to decide a champion. "Our early meetings have been frustratingly slow. Adras' won't stop talking about how Ohio State has to be the #1 team despite not even reaching the Elite Eight and Bilas has just been rocking in a chair in the Oval Office mumbling "VCU-Shaka Smart" over and over like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man."
When asked about why he is attacking this issue when the federal government budget is still not resolved and United States troops are currently fighting on three fronts, he said "Yeah it's funny that you would mention Libya. I was kind of busy watching the Richmond Spiders upset Vanderbilt when the UN contacted us about military action in Libya so I just signed whatever they put in front of me that day. Oops." He went on to say "the championship game was the worst basketball game that any American has ever seen. I probably can't do much with this budget and these wars but I can make sure that a monstrosity like Butler-UConn never happens again."
When asked how he plans to implement his strategy to extend the BCS to college basketball, he said "the representatives from Ohio, Kansas, Western Pennsylvania, and North Carolina will sponsor a filibuster featuring Dick Vitale, Bill Walton, Clark Kellogg and Gus Johnson that at best will force the NCAA to convert to whatever system we develop but at a minimum will induce a Jonestown-style mass suicide of congressman that could shift the balance of power in the House of Representatives."
Monday, April 4, 2011
NCAA Championship Breakdown
You win with defense- UConn Football Coach Paul Pasqualoni is reportedly going to offer the defensive coordinator position to head basketball coach Jim Calhoun after UConn's NCAA championship victory. The UConn basketball team held Butler to 18.8% field goal percentage and 41 points. UConn's football team gave up 48 points to the Oklahoma Sooners in the Fiesta Bowl.
High percentage shot-Butler basketball star Matt Howard just missed the urinal in the men's restroom. NBA prospect Howard was only 1 for 7 from the field in the Butler loss.
Postscript for the Big East-So what is the final interpretation of the Big East and this years NCAA tournament? The Big East which placed 11 teams in the tournament had only 2 teams advance to the Sweet 16 but ultimately the 9th best team in the conference by regular season record wins the tournament.
High percentage shot-Butler basketball star Matt Howard just missed the urinal in the men's restroom. NBA prospect Howard was only 1 for 7 from the field in the Butler loss.
Postscript for the Big East-So what is the final interpretation of the Big East and this years NCAA tournament? The Big East which placed 11 teams in the tournament had only 2 teams advance to the Sweet 16 but ultimately the 9th best team in the conference by regular season record wins the tournament.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Thoughts from the weekend: NCAA tournament edition
-"I guess Texas finally had to give that second back."
-My wife's response to the controversial 5 second call at the end of Texas-Arizona game referencing the controversial end of the Nebraska-Texas Big 12 Championship in 2010 in which a second was put back on the clock at the end of regulation allowing Texas to kick a game-winning field goal.
-My wife's response to the controversial 5 second call at the end of Texas-Arizona game referencing the controversial end of the Nebraska-Texas Big 12 Championship in 2010 in which a second was put back on the clock at the end of regulation allowing Texas to kick a game-winning field goal.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Rick Neuheisel: American Patriot
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Gene Smith Spurns Colorado, Cites the Importance of Confidentiality
Ohio State Athletic Director and NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Selection Committee Chairman Gene Smith has faced considerable criticism for omissions from the newly expanded NCAA tournament field. The exclusion of the Colorado Buffaloes from the field of 68 has drawn significant ire from varied ESPN personalities including Dick Vitale and Jay Bilas. Colorado's resume which included a win over a then top 10 Texas team, Missouri, and 3 wins over Kansas State (a 5 seed) has been most frequently compared to the less impressive resumes of UAB (who lost to every tournament team that they faced except VCU) and VCU which were deemed to be tournament worthy. There is rampant speculation that the NCAA Tournament Committee Member who suppressed Colorado's quality wins from the Committee was scorned Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe. Beebe's name rose to prominence earlier this year when Nebraska and Colorado's departure from the Big 12 left the conference on the verge of collapse. When reached for comment, Beebe said "I knew I could use football referees to manipulate the outcome of games, but I never thought I could single-handedly keep a team out of the NCAA tournament. Good Luck in the Pac 12 and see you in the NIT, Buffs."
MTK
The New Modified Duke's Criteria: There is one key to being included in the NCAA tournament: Schedule Duke and Lose. Every team that scheduled Duke, lost to them, and then went on to have a winning regular season and conference record made it into the NCAA tournament with the exception of Virginia Tech and Boston College. Ironically Virginia Tech is considered one of the most prominent snubs by the selection committee. Teams that benefitted from loseing to Duke to bolster their tournament bid included:
UAB- most controversial team in the bracket. Only 1 win against a top-50 RPI team. One of last 4 in
Michigan State-Lost to many great teams (UConn, Texas, Duke,Syracuse). Swept by OSU and Michigan in conference. Beat Wisconsin, Purdue, Washington for high profile wins. One of 5 teams in tournament with 14 losses (only 6 teams with 14 losses in the last 25 years of tournaments)
Clemson- One of the last 4 teams in. Playing a play-in game against another Duke beneficiary UAB
Other teams that met the Modified Duke's Criteria above that were more deserving of their position:
Marquette, St. John's, Butler, Florida State, North Carolina, TempleThis effect is likely largely influenced by RPI. While the official calculation is not released by the NCAA, it's most simple definition is a calculation consisting of:
25% your winning percentage
50% your opponents average winning percentages
25% your opponents opponents average winning percentages
Therefore 75% of the weighting is completely independant of what your team does. So schedule Duke and a Big East team or two. Hold on to win about 20 games and welcome to your 10 seed in Tulsa.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The Wizard of Madison Square Garden and America's Team: Why you should like the Denver Nuggets
If three weeks ago, you said that the Nuggets would be a better basketball team after the Melo trade, you would have been laughed at. Given Melo's request for a trade and the need to include former NBA finals MVP Chauncey Billups in the deal, this was felt to be the beginning of rebuilding period for the Nuggets. Even Denver Nuggets General Manager Masai Ujiri in his post-trade press conference said
"We feel we got killed in the trade because we lost a couple of pretty good players. Obviously, Carmelo Anthony. I feel sad for the city of Denver. I feel bad that this was done on my watch. To lose a guy like that. And also Chauncey. But I think we had to do it"
But just 19 days after the trade that sent Carmelo Anthony, Chauncey Billups, Shelden Williams, Renaldo Balkman, and Anthony "AC" Carter to the Knicks for Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari Timofey Mozgov, multiple picks and cash: the Nuggets appear to be the better team. A team that can focus on reloading not rebuilding.
What ESPN didn't report was that the trade also included a brain for guard J.R. Smith, some heart for their defense, and courage for their coach George Karl to actually coach and not just tiptoe around a one-way NBA superstar.
A look at the data for both teams:
Since February 21st:
W-L Opponent Winning Percentage
Denver 6-2 .530
One loss was to Portland in overtime on road on end of a back to back
New York 6-4 .535
Two losses to the Cleveland Cavaliers (12-52) in this stretch
But how could the Nuggets get better when they lost a "Hall of Famer" in Carmelo Anthony.
Scoring defense (points per game)
Before After
Denver 105.1 94.6
Of note, the Knicks defensive statistics have not changed since the addition of Melo (since Mike Dantoni teams never play defense to begin with). Although Melo did play defense on Lebron when the Knicks beat the Heat on February 27th since he knew those plays would be on Sportscenter.
New York 105.8 105.5
As a result the Nuggets have increased their points per game off of the fast break by 6 points due to their disruptive ball hawking defense.
Things could get even better. Danilo Gallinari, widely felt to be the best Knick involved in the trade, has missed most of the games since the trade with a broken toe.
But what does this mean in the big picture? These Nuggets aren't going to win the NBA finals, but they weren't going to before the trade.
Could they win a playoff series (something that they only did in 1 of Melo's 6 seasons)?
It is a distinct possibility. Defense becomes more important in the post-season.
Will you need to google their the members of the Nuggets roster to try and remember what college they went to because that was the last time you heard anything about any of them?
Definitely. Sample conversation: Wilson Chandler did he go to Wake Forest?....(Iphones are unholstered).....Depaul, seriously.
So despite making a trade that they never wanted to make, the Nuggets might have stolen the wallet of the guy who was holding the gun to their head. As a result, the Nuggets have become a team that is more about the process than the players. More Hoosiers and less Miami Heat. And in a year in which there has been more talk about "Decisions" and "Melodrama" than actual basketball, this could be a team for basketball fans to get behind.
"We feel we got killed in the trade because we lost a couple of pretty good players. Obviously, Carmelo Anthony. I feel sad for the city of Denver. I feel bad that this was done on my watch. To lose a guy like that. And also Chauncey. But I think we had to do it"
But just 19 days after the trade that sent Carmelo Anthony, Chauncey Billups, Shelden Williams, Renaldo Balkman, and Anthony "AC" Carter to the Knicks for Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari Timofey Mozgov, multiple picks and cash: the Nuggets appear to be the better team. A team that can focus on reloading not rebuilding.
What ESPN didn't report was that the trade also included a brain for guard J.R. Smith, some heart for their defense, and courage for their coach George Karl to actually coach and not just tiptoe around a one-way NBA superstar.
A look at the data for both teams:
Since February 21st:
W-L Opponent Winning Percentage
Denver 6-2 .530
One loss was to Portland in overtime on road on end of a back to back
New York 6-4 .535
Two losses to the Cleveland Cavaliers (12-52) in this stretch
But how could the Nuggets get better when they lost a "Hall of Famer" in Carmelo Anthony.
Scoring defense (points per game)
Before After
Denver 105.1 94.6
Of note, the Knicks defensive statistics have not changed since the addition of Melo (since Mike Dantoni teams never play defense to begin with). Although Melo did play defense on Lebron when the Knicks beat the Heat on February 27th since he knew those plays would be on Sportscenter.
New York 105.8 105.5
As a result the Nuggets have increased their points per game off of the fast break by 6 points due to their disruptive ball hawking defense.
Things could get even better. Danilo Gallinari, widely felt to be the best Knick involved in the trade, has missed most of the games since the trade with a broken toe.
But what does this mean in the big picture? These Nuggets aren't going to win the NBA finals, but they weren't going to before the trade.
Could they win a playoff series (something that they only did in 1 of Melo's 6 seasons)?
It is a distinct possibility. Defense becomes more important in the post-season.
Will you need to google their the members of the Nuggets roster to try and remember what college they went to because that was the last time you heard anything about any of them?
Definitely. Sample conversation: Wilson Chandler did he go to Wake Forest?....(Iphones are unholstered).....Depaul, seriously.
So despite making a trade that they never wanted to make, the Nuggets might have stolen the wallet of the guy who was holding the gun to their head. As a result, the Nuggets have become a team that is more about the process than the players. More Hoosiers and less Miami Heat. And in a year in which there has been more talk about "Decisions" and "Melodrama" than actual basketball, this could be a team for basketball fans to get behind.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Rules of Succession of The Ohio State University
This arrangement dates back to the The Presidential Law of Succession of 1947. This code sets the rules of succession for The Ohio State University (for clarity, current individuals filling the posts have been inserted into the original code):
(a)
(1) If, by reason of death, resignation, removal from office, inability, or failure to qualify, there is neither Jim Tressel nor E.Gordon Gee to discharge the powers and duties of the office of head coach, then the sousaphone player that dots the I in script Ohio shall act as President.
(2) The same rule shall apply in the case of the death, resignation, removal from office, or inability of an individual acting as President to defeat the University of Michigan.
(b) If the "I-dotting sousaphone guy" fails to qualify as Acting Head Football Coach, then Brutus Buckeye shall, upon his resignation as mascot act as President.
(c) If, by reason of death, removal from office, inability or failure to notify one's superiors of obvious NCAA violations due to either subterfuge, absolute ignorance, or a questionable need to maintain confidentiality which doesn't even get requested until the second e-mail and apparently did not prevent Jim Tressel from passing on the e-mail to someone else outside of the Athletic Department or the University Athletic Compliance Office, there is no Jim Tressel, E.Gordon Gee, Sousaphone guy, or Brutus Buckeye, then the individual who is highest on the following list shall take on the powers and duties of the office of Head Coach and run The entire Ohio State University:
- Athletic Director Gene Smith
- The Drum Major who touchs his funny hat to the ground at the 50 yard line in the pregame
- Chris Spielman
- But never,ever, ever Kirk Herbstriet because one time he said something objective about the Buckeyes that hurt everyones feelings and they won't let it go
When Tressel was reached for comment, he stated that "President Gee's job is safe for the time being. But he needs to be more attentive in the future so that I cannot get away with this sort of thing again."
Ohio State University: Building Mount Everest Out of a Mole Hill
Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel was suspended 2 games and fined $250,000 by Ohio State University for suppressing information for 8 months regarding illegal benefits provided to 6 Buckeye football players. The players, quarterback Terrelle Pryor, running back Dan Herron, wideout DeVier Posey, defensive end Solomon Thomas and offensive lineman Mike Adams had sold memorabilia and/or autographs for cash and discounted tattoos from a Columbus tattoo parlor owner, Edward Rife. The information regarding the illegal benefits. was first brought to the attention of Ohio State Athletic Director Gene Smith on December 7th, 2010 when the university was notified by federal officers who were trying to return the memorabilia. The resultant scandal resulted in the NCAA levying 5 game suspensions for the players for the first 5 games of 2011, but in a controversial decision the players were allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl. Tressel was initially made aware of possible infractions in early April 2010 and failed to disclose e-mails regarding this issue until one month after the initiation of Ohio State and the NCAAs investigation into "Tattoo-gate."
Today, Tressel admitted to receiving information from an undisclosed source on April 2nd (e-mail 1) indicating that a federal raid had occurred at Ed Rife's home and that a large amount of Buckeye memorabilia was recovered. It goes on to state that players have been taking signed memorabilia to Rife although it is unclear if they were paid. The source also mentions that players might have received free tattoos. In the post-script of the e-mail, the source mentions that Rife has been to jail in the past, witnessed a murder, and that the raid was related to drug trafficking.
In his statement today, Tressel statements regardings his reasons for failing to disclose this information to his athletic director, NCAA compliance officer, University attorneys included:
"I felt an obligation because I could feel in the e-mail the person had genuine concern for the well-being of our kids and for the gravity of a federal criminal drug trafficking ongoing investigation. I guess I felt they were entrusting me to think that was important to keep that confidentiality(e-mail 2)."
"As we sit in homes (during recruiting), we talk about most especially we're going to take care of these young people and treat them like they're our own. Admittedly, I probably did not give quite as much thought to the potential NCAA part of things as I read it. My focus was on the well-being of the young people. Also in those e-mails it was very, very emphatic that with the nature of a federal investigation that there be confidentiality."
Tressel claimed that he did not know who to notify and then stated "I learned I probably needed to go to the top legal counsel person at the university .Now I've learned that most certainly."
"I've had a player murdered. I've had a player incarcerated. I've had a player get taken into the drug culture and lose his opportunity for a productive life. So it was obviously tremendously concerning. Quite honestly, I was scared, especially the fact that two of our current players were mentioned in the e-mails.
Tressel received information confirming the names of at least two current players involved in an e-mail dated June 1 (e-mail 3). In his press conference, Tressel stated that he worried that sitting said players would generate a whole new set of questions and interfere with the federal investigation.
Commentary:
This latest information has turned Tattoogate which was initially a somewhat underwhelming scandal (in the face of the Cam Newton/Cecil Newton pay-to-play and the Oregon Ducks recruiting service allegations) into a massive scandal which is irreparably damaging to the legacy of Jim Tressel.
Early reports are suggesting that since Tressel knowingly played players that had committed significant NCAA rules infractions that the Buckeyes victories in 2010 could be forfeited. This is most notable as it would reinstate the Buckeyes SEC bowl losing streak which dates back to the 1970s.
This scandal brings to light significant cultural issues at the Ohio State University. Failure to report and adhere to NCAA standards occurred independantly at 3 distinct levels of the football program and athletic department in this case:
1) The players
2) Coach Tressel
3) Athletic Director Gene Smith- Gene Smith, who assumed his role in 2005 in the midst of a series of 9 NCAA violations which led to Ohio State being placed on probation for 3 years in 2006, stated that players were not adequately notified of NCAA rules applicable to this case until 2009 (some of the sales of memorabilia occurred prior to this time). While the 9 prior violations which included, a)booster payment of $500 dollars to Troy Smith, b)payment/loans to basketball players and recruits c)$13000 of complimentary dental work provided to members of the womens basketball team, occurred prior to Smith's arrival, it seems that the resultant probation which he oversaw should have increased educational efforts by his compliance staff with the players. In my time at Ohio State, there were ads on the stadium scoreboard at football games from the compliance department instructing fans that giving money or things of value to student athletes violated NCAA rules. But according to Smith, this same care was not taken with his athletes.
The player's 5 game suspension has always seemed a bit excessive to me. However, I am sure that in the wake of Tressel's "obstruction of justice" any attempt at appeal will be rejected.
The converse is that Tressel's 2 game suspension levied by Ohio State seems comically abbreviated. While the actual "crime" committed by his players was relatively mild, the severe lack of judgement, failure to investigate and report, and propensity of evidence against Tressel in the case should result in a greater punishment for him. In fact, his responsibility to report violations is underlined on his contract. His subsequent failure to report this series of communication when "Tattoo-gate" went public in December will certainly be damaging in the court of public opinion.
If safety of his players was Tressel's only motivation for not levying punishments against players or notifying his superiors, why did Tressel not take action after June 1st when he was informed that there was a resolution in the case between the federal government and the drug trafficker. Did he actually think that his source could recover the memorabilia and as a result cover up the infractions?
This will likely reshed light on Terrelle Pryor's history of moving violations in 3 different cars from a Columbus auto dealership while his car was reportedly in the shop. OSU's compliance staff has previously determined that this was not an NCAA violation
I hope that the media gets Tressel to elaborate on what collateral he was referencing in his e-mail from June 1st.
Tressel's fine will be used to pay the Compliance Group- a company that assists athletic departments in dealing with the NCAA during investigations. It seems that this money should be donated to the schools general scholarship fund and the Athletic department should use their own money to fund the investigation. Trust me they can afford it. In 2009-2010, Ohio State spent almost $ 8 million dollars more on their basketball program alone than their nearest competitor
These events will again reignite the conversation started by Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers in 1988 regarding fair pay for college athletes in revenue generating sports.
sources of e-mails: Columbus Dispatch (http://www.dispatch.com/)
Today, Tressel admitted to receiving information from an undisclosed source on April 2nd (e-mail 1) indicating that a federal raid had occurred at Ed Rife's home and that a large amount of Buckeye memorabilia was recovered. It goes on to state that players have been taking signed memorabilia to Rife although it is unclear if they were paid. The source also mentions that players might have received free tattoos. In the post-script of the e-mail, the source mentions that Rife has been to jail in the past, witnessed a murder, and that the raid was related to drug trafficking.
In his statement today, Tressel statements regardings his reasons for failing to disclose this information to his athletic director, NCAA compliance officer, University attorneys included:
"I felt an obligation because I could feel in the e-mail the person had genuine concern for the well-being of our kids and for the gravity of a federal criminal drug trafficking ongoing investigation. I guess I felt they were entrusting me to think that was important to keep that confidentiality(e-mail 2)."
"As we sit in homes (during recruiting), we talk about most especially we're going to take care of these young people and treat them like they're our own. Admittedly, I probably did not give quite as much thought to the potential NCAA part of things as I read it. My focus was on the well-being of the young people. Also in those e-mails it was very, very emphatic that with the nature of a federal investigation that there be confidentiality."
Tressel claimed that he did not know who to notify and then stated "I learned I probably needed to go to the top legal counsel person at the university .Now I've learned that most certainly."
"I've had a player murdered. I've had a player incarcerated. I've had a player get taken into the drug culture and lose his opportunity for a productive life. So it was obviously tremendously concerning. Quite honestly, I was scared, especially the fact that two of our current players were mentioned in the e-mails.
Tressel received information confirming the names of at least two current players involved in an e-mail dated June 1 (e-mail 3). In his press conference, Tressel stated that he worried that sitting said players would generate a whole new set of questions and interfere with the federal investigation.
Commentary:
This latest information has turned Tattoogate which was initially a somewhat underwhelming scandal (in the face of the Cam Newton/Cecil Newton pay-to-play and the Oregon Ducks recruiting service allegations) into a massive scandal which is irreparably damaging to the legacy of Jim Tressel.
Early reports are suggesting that since Tressel knowingly played players that had committed significant NCAA rules infractions that the Buckeyes victories in 2010 could be forfeited. This is most notable as it would reinstate the Buckeyes SEC bowl losing streak which dates back to the 1970s.
This scandal brings to light significant cultural issues at the Ohio State University. Failure to report and adhere to NCAA standards occurred independantly at 3 distinct levels of the football program and athletic department in this case:
1) The players
2) Coach Tressel
3) Athletic Director Gene Smith- Gene Smith, who assumed his role in 2005 in the midst of a series of 9 NCAA violations which led to Ohio State being placed on probation for 3 years in 2006, stated that players were not adequately notified of NCAA rules applicable to this case until 2009 (some of the sales of memorabilia occurred prior to this time). While the 9 prior violations which included, a)booster payment of $500 dollars to Troy Smith, b)payment/loans to basketball players and recruits c)$13000 of complimentary dental work provided to members of the womens basketball team, occurred prior to Smith's arrival, it seems that the resultant probation which he oversaw should have increased educational efforts by his compliance staff with the players. In my time at Ohio State, there were ads on the stadium scoreboard at football games from the compliance department instructing fans that giving money or things of value to student athletes violated NCAA rules. But according to Smith, this same care was not taken with his athletes.
The player's 5 game suspension has always seemed a bit excessive to me. However, I am sure that in the wake of Tressel's "obstruction of justice" any attempt at appeal will be rejected.
The converse is that Tressel's 2 game suspension levied by Ohio State seems comically abbreviated. While the actual "crime" committed by his players was relatively mild, the severe lack of judgement, failure to investigate and report, and propensity of evidence against Tressel in the case should result in a greater punishment for him. In fact, his responsibility to report violations is underlined on his contract. His subsequent failure to report this series of communication when "Tattoo-gate" went public in December will certainly be damaging in the court of public opinion.
If safety of his players was Tressel's only motivation for not levying punishments against players or notifying his superiors, why did Tressel not take action after June 1st when he was informed that there was a resolution in the case between the federal government and the drug trafficker. Did he actually think that his source could recover the memorabilia and as a result cover up the infractions?
This will likely reshed light on Terrelle Pryor's history of moving violations in 3 different cars from a Columbus auto dealership while his car was reportedly in the shop. OSU's compliance staff has previously determined that this was not an NCAA violation
I hope that the media gets Tressel to elaborate on what collateral he was referencing in his e-mail from June 1st.
Tressel's fine will be used to pay the Compliance Group- a company that assists athletic departments in dealing with the NCAA during investigations. It seems that this money should be donated to the schools general scholarship fund and the Athletic department should use their own money to fund the investigation. Trust me they can afford it. In 2009-2010, Ohio State spent almost $ 8 million dollars more on their basketball program alone than their nearest competitor
These events will again reignite the conversation started by Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers in 1988 regarding fair pay for college athletes in revenue generating sports.
sources of e-mails: Columbus Dispatch (http://www.dispatch.com/)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Cleveland Indians Reach Out to Charlie Sheen
Cleveland, OH- Due to his newfound availability, the Cleveland Indians have reportedly approached Charlie Sheen regarding a return to the Indians bullpen. Team president Mark Shapiro said that one of the key factors that held up the Indians in 2010 was "a lack leadership that knew what winning or bi-winning is all about." Sheen has not pitched for the Indians since 1994, but is expected to challenge for a role as a setup man in the bullpen. "Chris Perez did an exceptional job as a closer for us last year, so I suspect if we could add a pitcher who has a little bit of tiger blood and Adonis in his DNA to get us through the 8th we could really be onto something." When questioned about the timing of this decision, Shapiro explained that "this is the first season since we traded Charlie to Spin City in 2000 that he has been available to come to spring training." |
| Bob Wickman |
Shapiro did voice some concerns regarding bringing Sheen to camp. Shapiro (having clearly not watched Major League II) went on to say, "The last time I checked he needed heavy prescription glasses to get the ball over the plate and I haven't seen him with anything but shades recently. I will have our team doctors look in to whether he has had lasik or not." When asked about Sheen's recent drug binges, Shapiro said "That's not really a concern. Manny Ramirez played for this team for 8 seasons. You can't out crazy Manny. This porn star-cocaine binge stuff is only a code yellow on our Ramirez alert system scale." "Besides Charlie's binges last for 3 or 4 days and he is back to work. In 2004, Bob Wickman went on a 8 day Waffle House bender. The guy missed a key road trip and when he returned he couldn't snap off his slider because he still had syrup on his fingers."
"We have not been as successful as we would have liked over the past three seasons. You forget that we were one game away from the world series in 2007." "Charlie Sheen is responsible for some of the greatest post-season success in this franchise's history. Sure we went onto two World Series after Major League II but I don't think anyone outside of Atlanta and Cleveland knew there was a World Series in 1995 and 1997, well I can only say two words-Jose Mesa." He continued, "Charlie's greatest moments as an Indian were never tainted with real endings like a World Series that was actually shown on screen. As a member of the Indians family since 1991, I can tell you that actually watching the Indians in the World Series is never good."
When reached for comment, Charlie Sheen said that he welcomed the opportunity. "I have been working out to get ready for Major League 3, my fire breathing fists are ready to go. I got magic and I got poetry in my fingertips and that is what this bullpen has been missing. When I throw my slider, I am a high priest vatican assassin warlock. I will return this team to greatness. I will make Kerry Wood look like a droopy-eyed armless child. With my bi-winning, I can win here and win there which should improve the Indians recent abysmal road record." When asked about the senior leadership Sheen might provide given his prior postseason experience, he said, "I like to think of myself as a manager on the field, every plan I have is the best plan in the room." He went on to reach out to the Cleveland fan base, "I know what LeBron did to you was cruel, I promise to never leave you cold. If you are a part of my family, I will love you violently." He also addressed rumors that the Yankees or Red Sox might be interested in him by saying, "Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you. The Indians are the only team that I would play for." He finished the interview with this response to a question regarding his drug addiction, "the only thing that I'm addicted to is winning."
The response throughout Cleveland was overwhelmingly positive. Cleveland Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert- who is also a recovering winning addict, has already reached out to Sheen with information regarding a unique rehab for winners at Promises in Malibu, CA. "I know that I have relapsed 11 times this year but after getting over the initial shock of LeBron leaving I am almost cured of the need to win. I mean I traded for Baron Davis, clearly I don't want to win. Things are looking up." Drew Carey when reached for comment said, "You remembered that I was alive, I am so flattered. I have a lot to learn from Charlie, because right now I couldn't get arrested."
Note: All notations in italics are actual Charlie Sheen quotes
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Cameron Newton: Entertainer/Icon
Indianapolis, IN- Cam Newton, former Auburn Tigers quarterback and 2010 Heisman Trophy winner, has created a significant stir at the NFL combine in Indianapolis this week. In an interview Thursday, he stated that he views himself “not only as a football player, but an entertainer and an icon.” The controversy that ensued led him to begin his press conference with the media on Saturday with the following statement:
“First and foremost, I understand that my obligation is to be the best possible football player that I can be. I know and believe that. The recent comments were made during the announcement of my new endorsement partnership. I was making the point that I want to be the best possible ambassador for (Under Armour), just like I want to be the best possible ambassador for whatever team I am lucky enough to play for. I’m excited to compete this week, and you will see me doing everything possible to become the best player I can possibly be.”This is just the latest event in a season’s worth of controversy for the Heisman Trophy winning QB who briefly lost NCAA eligibility this year due to a pay-to-play scam orchestrated by his father, Cecil Newton, and Kenny Rogers, a scouting agent with ties to Mississippi State University.
Following the interview, Newton’s agent Buss Cook clarified his previous statements even further. “What Cam was trying to say,” Cook said “was that with the uncertain labor situation and the high likelihood of a lockout that he might need to use some of his other skills and talents to keep the Cam Newton brand out there.” “I mean that $180,000 dollars that he was paid to play college football ain’t going to … umm, I mean, well. Basically Cam is going to need work to pay the bills.”
Cook when on to lay out his long range plans to establish Newton as an entertainer and icon. “Cam is a brand with its own unique identity like an Enron, Arthur Anderson, or Lehman Brothers. We need to expand on that identity.” “It all starts with a guest spot in the season finale of Glee,” Cook said. Glee creator Ryan Murphy confirmed that Cam Newton would appear in a role tentatively known as “the third African-American kid at McKinley” in which he would portray a glee club member/high school athlete from a rival high school who transfers into the school under somewhat suspicious circumstances. Murphy went on to say that Newton would be featured singing a mash-up of the songs “Son a Preacher Man” and Dire Straits “Money for Nothing” and leaked the plotline that the controversy surrounding Newton's transfer to the school ends up threatening the New Directions chances for a title at Nationals.
“After Glee comes the guest spot on a Kanye West remake of Eric B and Rakim’s hip hop classic “Paid in Full”. And if we are lucky and the owners lock us out next week, I think we might be able to get on Dancing with the Stars. They’re holding out for Snooki right now, but c’mon this guy won the Heisman Trophy. This isn’t Akili Smith they’re dealing with”
However, if the season does go on, Cook still has plans to diversify Newton’s portfolio. He reportedly is in talks with the NFL regarding a possible Super Bowl halftime music extravaganza featuring Cam Newton and Christina Aguilera performing a medley of patriotic songs with the lyrics uniquely reinterpreted by Aguilera. When questioned about this, Cook declined comment and quickly ended the interview with the following statement “It can’t be worse than the Black-Eyed Peas.”
Friday, February 25, 2011
Great Moments in Twitter History: Melo Edition
George Karl and Carmelo Anthony are finally getting down to the point of sharing their real feelings for each other http://dpo.st/ifXbxT. Thankfully Twitter was there to capture this and many other moments that give us a better understanding of what Melo is all about. Years from now philosophers will place these words next to those of Nietzche and Aristotle, but then realize that they have made a horrible mistake.
@carmeloanthony Carmelo Anthony
WHEN THE GRASS IS CUT THE SNAKES WILL SHOW.
Perhaps it wasn't the lack of great nightlife or work opportunities for his wife that pushed Melo from Denver. Apparently, he had tired of caring for his lawn and also suffers from severe Ophidiophobia. An alternate explanation would be a case of manscaping gone horribly wrong in the Knicks locker room.
Damn, are u serious. Some people never seize to amaze me. Unbelievable
Not only did he leave Denver to play for his hometown team-the Knicks. He also has accepted a position at Sloan-Kettering as a staff neurologist. Apparently even if you are having a tonic-clonic seizure, it would not amaze him. Unbelievable-Maybe. Unflappable-Yes.
Just sitting here thinking bout Black History Month, and how many people have sacrificed so I kld b where I am... http://fb.me/zspwt7Ed
I think he is specifically referring to African-American authors: Langston Hughes and Maya Angelou whose works pale in comparison to Melo's literary prose contained here.
check me out on #TheDoctors tomorrow! All about taking care of yourself.
3 Feb via
Another less than veiled reference to his alternate career as the baddest baller/epileptologist in the world
The true measure of a man is not how he lives in times of prosperity but in times of adversity "
By adversity does he mean a)getting paid $65 million for 4 years to stay in a city with 300 days of sunshine or b)taking $50 million for 4 years to play in the Big Apple. Way to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and soldier on Horatio Alger!
I just looked at myself in the mirror and my reflection told me "Thank You". Gott go to sleep on that. Lol
Words can't do this justice. Tweet on Melo!
Monday, February 21, 2011
The week that was:February 15-21
-Lala's Back: The Denver Post has announced that Carmelo Anthony, Chauncey Billups and 3 guys that you haven't heard of since they played college ball have been traded to the Knicks for Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari, Timofey Mozgov, the Knicks 2014 first-round draft pick, the Warriors' 2012 second-round pick, the Warriors' 2013 second-round pick and $3 million in cash. ESPN has been reporting that the Nuggets may package at least two of these players to trade to the Nets for two additional first round draft picks. All in all, the Melo trade could result in 3 first round picks. Ironically, since Melo was selected with the #3 pick of the 2003 draft (note: the first 5 picks of that draft were Lebron James, Darko Milicic (oops), Melo, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade-wonder what happened to all of those guys), the Nuggets have selected only two players in the first round of the NBA draft (2004-Jameer Nelson was selected but his rights were promptly traded to the Magic and 2005-Julius Hodge). Fast checkers will ask about former UNC point guard Ty Lawson- who was actually selected by the Minnesota Timberwolves in the 2009 draft but was quickly traded to Denver.
Now that Melo and Lala will be back in New York, she needs only one more thing to kick start her career: a time machine that could take her back to a time when the words Carson Daly and TRL meant something to someone.
Winners:Nuggets fans who would prefer to not just go to the playoffs to lose in the opening round, Melo, Patrick Ewing and John Starks- as Melo's name will now be synonymous with post-season failure in New York
Losers: Chauncey Billups, people whose cable box is stuck on VH1 who will now be forced to watch reruns of LaLa's Full Court Wedding
-Delaying the inevitable: Now that this is over, you can turn your attention to a real problem in the Denver sports world: why do our sports fiascos take so long to resolve. In just the last 3 years, Denver sports talk hosts have had to cover only 6 stories
-Will Jay Cutler be traded- February 2009-April 2009
-Will Brandon Marshall be traded- the entire 2009 season
-When will they fire Josh McDaniels- if you are being generous only week 7 to week 14 2010
-When will Tim Tebow start- April 2010-December 2010
-Where will Melo go- the day after "the Decision" in July 2010-today
-When is Dan Hawkins going to be fired- November 2008-November 2010
-Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers?- Since December 5, 2009 when time was placed back on the clock at the end of the Nebraska-Texas Big 12 Championship allowing Texas to kick a game winning field goal, God has been inundated by the following prayer from across the Cornhusker state: "Whatever you do, please let us beat Texas next season." However, all of these prayers were apparently unanswered when a top 10 ranked Nebraska team lost to a Texas team that failed to reach bowl eligibility 20-13 on October 16th.
However, flash forward to basketball season and Nebraska upsets #2 Texas in basketball on Feb 19th. This was the first victory against a top 3 opponent by the Nebrasketballers since 1994. However, the significance has likely been lost on such a football oriented state In fact, only 32% of Nebraskans even knew that the school had a basketball team.
When reached for comment on the irony of the situation, God could only say "Oh S***, you guys were praying about football."
-We'd rather not be #1- The top 4 teams in college basketball lost last week. This is the first time that this has happened since Nov 25, 2003. The downside is that now that Duke is number one in basketball, all of the alumni from America's #2 douchiest university (only because the editors of the list refused to allow Duke to be #1 at anything) probably won't shut up about it.
-Juiced- All of the talk about Albert Pujols contract negotiations this week reminded my of something that I have always found incongruent. Why is Albert Pujol's name not liberally thrown at the top of the list of possible steroid users? I should specify that I think that he is a good guy and am glad that his name is not commonly associated with steroids. I also hope that he is actually clean and can keep it together, albeit outside of the NL central, long enough to pass signed, sealed, and delivered steroid users A-Rod and Barry Bonds on the career home run list. But when you look at his history there are a couple of red flags:
-Undrafted out of high school in Kansas City and went to Maplewood Community College to play college baseball
-Drafted in the 14th round with the 402nd selection in 1999 but rises through the minors in only one full year and goes on to hit 37 home runs as a rookie in 2001
-Looks more like a centaur than a human being
-BIGGEST RED FLAG- He has spent his entire major league career with longstanding steroid apologist manager Tony Larussa. Larussa managed managed Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire for a majority of their careers and most notably during their most blatant steroid use. Why Larussa doesn't have his own chapter in the Mitchell Report is beyond me.
-Associates with TV cry baby Glenn Beck whose labile moods are also likely the result of steroid abuse
Please post in the comments other interesting stories from the past week.
Now that Melo and Lala will be back in New York, she needs only one more thing to kick start her career: a time machine that could take her back to a time when the words Carson Daly and TRL meant something to someone.
Winners:Nuggets fans who would prefer to not just go to the playoffs to lose in the opening round, Melo, Patrick Ewing and John Starks- as Melo's name will now be synonymous with post-season failure in New York
Losers: Chauncey Billups, people whose cable box is stuck on VH1 who will now be forced to watch reruns of LaLa's Full Court Wedding
-Delaying the inevitable: Now that this is over, you can turn your attention to a real problem in the Denver sports world: why do our sports fiascos take so long to resolve. In just the last 3 years, Denver sports talk hosts have had to cover only 6 stories
-Will Jay Cutler be traded- February 2009-April 2009
-Will Brandon Marshall be traded- the entire 2009 season
-When will they fire Josh McDaniels- if you are being generous only week 7 to week 14 2010
-When will Tim Tebow start- April 2010-December 2010
-Where will Melo go- the day after "the Decision" in July 2010-today
-When is Dan Hawkins going to be fired- November 2008-November 2010
-Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers?- Since December 5, 2009 when time was placed back on the clock at the end of the Nebraska-Texas Big 12 Championship allowing Texas to kick a game winning field goal, God has been inundated by the following prayer from across the Cornhusker state: "Whatever you do, please let us beat Texas next season." However, all of these prayers were apparently unanswered when a top 10 ranked Nebraska team lost to a Texas team that failed to reach bowl eligibility 20-13 on October 16th.
However, flash forward to basketball season and Nebraska upsets #2 Texas in basketball on Feb 19th. This was the first victory against a top 3 opponent by the Nebrasketballers since 1994. However, the significance has likely been lost on such a football oriented state In fact, only 32% of Nebraskans even knew that the school had a basketball team.
When reached for comment on the irony of the situation, God could only say "Oh S***, you guys were praying about football."
-We'd rather not be #1- The top 4 teams in college basketball lost last week. This is the first time that this has happened since Nov 25, 2003. The downside is that now that Duke is number one in basketball, all of the alumni from America's #2 douchiest university (only because the editors of the list refused to allow Duke to be #1 at anything) probably won't shut up about it.
-Juiced- All of the talk about Albert Pujols contract negotiations this week reminded my of something that I have always found incongruent. Why is Albert Pujol's name not liberally thrown at the top of the list of possible steroid users? I should specify that I think that he is a good guy and am glad that his name is not commonly associated with steroids. I also hope that he is actually clean and can keep it together, albeit outside of the NL central, long enough to pass signed, sealed, and delivered steroid users A-Rod and Barry Bonds on the career home run list. But when you look at his history there are a couple of red flags:
-Undrafted out of high school in Kansas City and went to Maplewood Community College to play college baseball
-Drafted in the 14th round with the 402nd selection in 1999 but rises through the minors in only one full year and goes on to hit 37 home runs as a rookie in 2001
-Looks more like a centaur than a human being
-BIGGEST RED FLAG- He has spent his entire major league career with longstanding steroid apologist manager Tony Larussa. Larussa managed managed Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire for a majority of their careers and most notably during their most blatant steroid use. Why Larussa doesn't have his own chapter in the Mitchell Report is beyond me.
-Associates with TV cry baby Glenn Beck whose labile moods are also likely the result of steroid abuse
Please post in the comments other interesting stories from the past week.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Chicago Cubs announce plans to cancel 2011 season, convert Wrigley Field
Chicago, IL- Following the success of the Cleveland Indians Snow Days, in which Progressive Field was converted to a winter playground featuring ice skating and sledding, Chicago Cubs owner and Td Ameritrade founder Joe Ricketts announced plans today to convert Wrigley Field into Chicago's largest water park. "When we saw the way the Indians utilized their stadium over the holidays to expand their brand and create a family friendly activity, it made us think about the real value of this Cubs franchise.""In our two years of ownership, we have realized that this baseball team is quite frankly very depressing. The fine people of Chicago have but a few months in the summer to enjoy the beauty of Chicago. The other nine months of the year are apparently ruled by lake effect snow and wind conditions that make my home in Omaha feel like Miami. To think that all of these Chicagoans have been wasting that precious time watching Alfonso Soriano kick the ball around left field saddens me deeply. By taking away the baseball and converting Wrigley Field into a water park, the people of Chicago can enjoy the grandeur of this historic park every day from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Previously, our park literally sat empty half of the summer when the team was on the road and when the Cubs were at home our fans were left with an empty feeling every time that Kosuke Fukodome strode to the plate."
Ricketts went on to discuss further financial ramifications that influenced the new plan. "Look at what we are losing in concessions. The fans have to destroy themselves with Old Milwaukee at the Cubby Bear before they can even think about making the walk of shame to the bleachers to watch us lose. First of all, I think that Wrigleyville is the only location in the western world that even recognizes Old Milwaukee as an acceptable beer to serve to human beings. But also by the time the fans make it to the bleachers they are too drunk to fork over twelve bucks to buy a Miller Lite. By the third inning our morbidly obese fans look like a bunch of beached sea lions at Fishermans Wharf and we haven't made a dime off of them."Ricketts went on to describe that the water park that will feature a number of attractions for all ages named in honor of current and past Cub greats and then read from a marketing release describing the attractions. Attractions will include:
-Corey Patterson's Black Hole- This water slide will raise you up to new heights early in the ride before you quickly drop off the face of the earth never to be heard from again. Located in center field.
-Ron Cey's Penguin Playland- Your kids will love our Happy Feet themed play area on the third baseline. You might even catch Mark Prior or Kerry Wood icing their arms in the oversized ice baths dedicated to former manager/career destroyer Dusty Baker.
-Ryne Sandberg's Sand Dunes- A beach themed area around the second base bag to commemorate Chicago most recent and likely last member of the Baseball Hall of Fame
-Sammy Sosa's Smoothie Shack- Cool down with one of Sammy's favorite pharmaceutically enhanced summer treats-Mark Grace presents the "Slump busters"-An adults only synchronized swimming revue featuring some of the Chicagoland's finest BBWs
-Kosuke's Fuk-u-dome- yes, ladies, it's exactly what it sounds like
-Milton Bradley’s Lazy River-Grab an innertube and circle the outfield on this lazy river style ride which ultimately gets you nowhere
-Tuffy Rhodes Tsunami Slide-Named in honor of the the Cubs outfielder who hit 3 home runs on opening day 1994, but then went on a 2 year slide, hitting only 5 more home runs before leaving for Japan. Ultimately tied Sadaharu Oh's single season HR record.
When asked about contingency plans in the event that the Cubs fielded a successful baseball team this season, Ricketts responded, “Sure anything is possible. I mean maybe a goat has been cursing this franchise, maybe Babe Ruth did call his shot in Wrigley back in ’32, and maybe the E-trade baby is really talking. But you need to face facts, this franchise hasn’t won a world series in over 100 years, why would that change now? You think Carlos Pena and Matt Garza are going to fix this mess. We’ll be lucky if we buy 20 points of batting average for every million dollars that we pay Pena this year. Regardless, in the event that we are within 10 games of the wild-card on Memorial Day, maybe we could borrow Northwestern's stadium. I don’t think that they play baseball in the Big 10 anyway. I would offer our Td Ameritrade Park in Omaha but we couldn’t interrupt something as important as the College World Series with something as trivial as Chicago Cubs baseball.”
Thanks to Matt, Marc and TSK for their contributions to this posting
Thanks to Matt, Marc and TSK for their contributions to this posting
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
NFL offers more to displaced Super Bowl fans
The NFL has increased its offer of reimbursement to the more than 400 fans who were displaced from their Super Bowl seats. Fire marshalls declared the temporary seats brought into Texas Stadium specifically for the game unsafe shortly before the game leaving these fans to watch the game on a big screen outside. This represents the third offer presented by the NFL. The first two options which consisted of $2,400 -- three times the face value of the affected seats -- and a ticket to next year's Super Bowl or a ticket to any future Super Bowl plus airfare and hotel costs. After facing almost universal disdain for these initial offers to the fans, the NFL is now offering either $5,000 or reimbursement for "actual documented" Super Bowl expenses, whichever figure is higher. However with a potential public relations disaster on its hands in the form of a looming lockout, the NFL has decided that it is important to hit a PR home run on this issue. As a result, the NFL has also offered these fans additional compensation which money cannot buy including:
-One year subscription to Brett Favre's exclusive textline
-an official NFL Snuggie tailored to Bill Belichek's specifications
-Exclusive night on the town with Adam "Pacman" Jones including $1,000 cash to "make it rain"
-One "get of jail free card" from the Cincinnati Police Department
-2 ounces of holy water blessed by Tim Tebow
-Complimentary copy of Josh McDaniels NFL Draft Guide for NFL Insiders
-Limo ride hosted by Jets QB Mark Sanchez to the your local senior high school prom
We have obtained the song and will provide a copy to our first 10 subscribers that can identify the real Indigo Girls in the photos above
-One year subscription to Brett Favre's exclusive textline
-an official NFL Snuggie tailored to Bill Belichek's specifications
-Exclusive night on the town with Adam "Pacman" Jones including $1,000 cash to "make it rain"
-One "get of jail free card" from the Cincinnati Police Department
-2 ounces of holy water blessed by Tim Tebow
-Complimentary copy of Josh McDaniels NFL Draft Guide for NFL Insiders
-Limo ride hosted by Jets QB Mark Sanchez to the your local senior high school prom
-Replica of Mike Shanahan's hoop that Albert Haynesworth and Donovan McNabb were unable to jump through
-a Sports Illustrated Football Phone circa 1990
-NY Jets sideline pass with one complimentary shot on an opposing player
-A locket containing one dreadlock from Marion Barber's head personally removed by Ndamukong Suh
-CD single of the ultrarare AJ Hawk and Clay Matthews cover of the Indigo Girls classic "Closer to Fine"
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Friday, February 11, 2011
Cleveland Cavaliers Snap 26 Game Losing Streak, Secure Playoff Spot
"They said it couldn't be done without LeBron. They said 'Jamario Moon can't lead a team to the playoffs. Now they know better.'" Cavs forward Jamario Moon said.
"Well, actually, they didn't quite say that. They have no clue who I am. And I don't even know who they are, because no one comes to these games anymore," Moon added.
Cleveland's locker room celebrated the event with warm bottles of Miller High Life that were leftover from the ill-advised "LeBron Is Back" party guard Mo Williams hosted on the evening LeBron James took his talent to South Beach and signed with the Miami Heat. Not all participants were enthusiastic at achieving the playoffs, however.
"There's no two ways around it, we've made it as hard for ourselves as we can," Coach Byron Scott said, "we're going to have to play the entire Eastern Conference playoffs on the road. I'm pretty sure the first round games are going to be in Outer Mongolia to try to increase our footprint in Asia. But just think about the real sports where not every team makes the playoffs. If we were in one of those, we'd be screwed."
"Our chances aren't good, but we're not giving up. This season is about more than 82 games that have virtually no importance on the outcome of the season. Hey, when LeBron was here, we used to win those games all the time. They didn't mean a thing. We're just starting to hit our stride," guard Daniel Gibson said.
The Cavaliers received additional bad news on Wednesday when the already injury-ravaged team learned that, during his rehab from a season-ending ankle injury, forward Anderson Varejao was diagnosed with acute hair cancer.
Author:TSK
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The wide reaching impact of Jerry Sloan's retirement
The unexpected nature of Sloan's resignation has led some other long-tenured leaders to reconsider their career paths. South Carolina Senator Strom Thurmond, who has continued to represent the Palmetto state in the United States Senate despite having died in 2003, provided the following statement: "Seeing Jerry Sloan walk away from the game of basketball having never won the elusive NBA championship that he has pursued since my 90th birthday in 1988 has given me a new perspective on my own work. Perhaps my own lifelong pursuit to reinstate the sweet, sweet institution of slavery that Abe Lincoln and those dirty Yankees wrested from my family when I was just a small boy in 1865 also needs to come to a close. The idea of Jerry Sloan retiring sounds as outlandish as the idea of a Negro president." When informed that their was indeed an African-American president, Thurmond promptly had a heart attack and died a second time.
Longtime host of the Tonight Show Jay Leno, who also recently retired but quickly reversed his decision in an attempt to single handedly destroy the NBC television network, offered his thoughts on Sloan's retirement during his monologue tonight. Unfortunately, no one under the age of 75 and/or possessing an IQ above 75 was watching so no accurate account of what he said exists. Further information should be available if the show ever makes it to Hulu.
Joe Paterno, head coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions since 1966, who was also questioned about Sloan's long career and retirement was at a loss for words. The 84 year old coach who can manage a decent team only every 3 or 4 years despite recruiting relatively unopposed in the football talent rich state of Pennsylvania said "Frankly, I don't know what this has to do with me. I feel nothing."
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