We are sincerely sorry that we have joined your conference. Things were going so well. It seemed to work out fine when you welcomed Penn State into your proud conference. Back then it was cute that you were called the Big 10 even though there were really 11. It was like a fun little inside joke for all of football. It even resulted in a clever little symbol with a DaVinci Code-esque clue. But then we arrive and make the name of the conference 16.67% inaccurate and ruined your symbol which inexplicably retains a 1 in it, but no 2.
We can't even begin to express how bad we feel about the ridiculous division names (Leaders and Legends) that our addition has mandated. The Dr. Pepper Leaders and Legends B1g 10 championship bowl doesn't really role off the tongue. I suppose that we can all give thanks that it won't be the dumbest name for a game when it occurs(Thanks Kraft Fight Hunger and Beef'o'Bradys St. Petersburg Bowls).
We are also sorry that we aren't bringing any trophies that consist of bronzed animals or farm implements to spice up meaningless matchups. Perhaps Minnesota could lend us one of their four trophies. Wait has Minnesota even won 4 games in the last decade?
We hope that we can get past this awkward first impression. When we moved in to this league, we thought we could just sleep on your couch, help out with the rent every once in a while, and maybe bring a friend like Notre Dame to hang out. Little did we know that we would ruin everything.
Sorry again.
Sincerely,
The University of Nebraska
I may be your brother, but I automatically discount anything you said in the previous paragraphs because you referred to a team followed by the word "Nation". The Red Sox officially ruined it and placed it off limits for the foreseeable future.
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